04 Oct 2008 - 10:45:12 am
" after 80 " Newly get married era
Why get married? If I knew the answer without the least hesitation a few years ago: Want to look for one not to know which way to go in oneself helplessly, does not have lonelily even in privation while depending on, can watch over the woman facing each other with me for all one's life, want to let oneself be happier with sharing together by oneself! But age is longer and longer, let to be that oneself is old, age that it is awkward that really reach the one that must get married, but the answer unable to be clear-cut of this question.
I am 2008 now after being born in 80, undoutedly, no matter from psychology or physiological, I face marriage this person grow the greatest topic. Are a lot of people asking why not go to look for one? Can only smile and answer: "Have not met the suitable one yet. " Stall off on such a reason.
Precisely, stall off the word seem so appropriate in here, touch less than one suitable a own one really. Have unexpectedly reached such stage by oneself, will become the adult single in others' eyes soon, the sad and sad one is, not thinking oneself greatly, where to go, though was bragged about oneself old at ordinary times, do the best, want, get oneself ripe too, but subconscious refuse, admit oneself reach that find someone age that marry already. Why must get married?
Can't help remembering several famous marriages come, extract it as follows:
Love sad melody of Zhang Ailing and Hu Lancheng.
One is the most well-known authoress in Shanghai at that time, one was important official of the deep and vast bogus government. Unless in at troubled times, the they one acquaintance, know each other, love each other,when last departure, may be called once " The legend " . Zhang Ailing loves Hu Lancheng so so, however, turns round, time took off the color, having led along by hand, having missed, understand in doddering along slowly, the way of this world, move towards having a thousand ten thousand, belong to to a pure one flourishing, then first only.
Xu Zhimo's marriage tragedy.
The First lady Zhang Youyi. Although is a arranged marriage, their relation is extraordinary. Especially that kind of deep friendship kept after they divorce, is that nowadays open era is estimable too even more. However, Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi with the happy marriage have divorced finally. This marriage that Xu Zhimo thinks, though is a good marriage, is only a marriage, but not the love which he wants.
Lin Huiyin. To her, the marriage is more important than the love. She does not want to do for love anything, she does not want to get involved in Xu Zhimo's marriage, so she has chosen to leave Xu Zhimo, and under parents' arrangement, fixes the engagement with Liang Sicheng. Perhaps their love is as before (after Xu Zhimo died, Lin Huiyin cried most mournfully) ,Have chosen the marriage, has not chosen the love in but the emblem sound of Kelin. This is in the convention too naturally. Choose the love and give up the marriage, through the ages, are all scarce things.
Lu Xiaoman. She and Xu Zhimo are the people who pursue the love, the person does not recognize one's own wedding filled with exultation when two people's innumerable trials and tribulations have been held. Marriage and love have been integrated at long last, however, the marriage become because of love is unhappy. Romantic and reality is always very far apart. It is interesting that Lu Xiaoman can not change her, personality spent freely. Xu Zhimo does not get along well with parents because of she, kept constantly on the run because of the spending freely of her, often quarrel because of all sorts of unhappiness of life too. Love and final result of the marriage, obtain the result that we have wanted.
Xu Zhimo's ideal: "I will look for my only soul companion in the boundless and indistinct sea of faces. Need it, my good fortune; No, my life. " Xu Zhimo has found his soul companion, but can not be happy all the time.
Mr. Lu Xun's freedom of marriage.
The gentleman has had two marriages. One marriage of fact, another marriage of essence.
The first marriage of Mr. Lu Xun's, is that the gentleman studies in Japan in period, the family is with the stupid old lady of gentleman's mother, the critically ill letter message was deceived and come back home to get married. The marriage this time, bring agony to three people, stupid old lady, Mr. Lu Xun, Ms. Zhu An. We want to ask, have new culture and dare to criticize old and ethical Mr. Lu Xun, since not like this marriage, why not refuse or leave simply? The circle is fixed on the feudal etiquette system, I analyse broken in terms of human nature, Mr. Lu Xun's psychological condition at that time. The gentleman's choice, nothing more than have a reason of these three respects, first, comfort his mother, stupid old heart (this, among the characters of gentleman, narrate) of lady . Two is under feudal etiquette system and humane environment and situation at that time, the gentleman was powerless. Three even if the gentleman refuse or leave, can't change the result of the fact either.
The second marriage of Mr. Lu Xun's, is a story when the normal university of the woman in Beijing teach. We can imagine, such a scene at that time, act as the gentleman in the classroom, in his unique language which is full of reason and intelligent cold but and humorous individual character glamour, match gentleman's characterized expression, while carrying on the simple but profound exposition guidance on the knowledge, in young Ms. Xu Guangping's eyes, the mood (from her letter that must be full of revering and adoring, can prove) . The woman agitation of Normal University happens frequently, has further urged and taken place a of flames of love contained in the heart. In Xu Guangping's women letter to Mr. Lu Xun, ripe and sensitive gentleman, it is sure to find out that can experience the emotion like this roaring blaze.
The letter in reply that so, Mr. Lu Xun begins, seem it is evaded the question by changing the subject that language fails to express the meaning, unexpectedly transfer to discussion and analysis going on the knowledge. This is that gentleman's mood reveals a kind of mood under to reflect naturally clearly. This is not less than to warn oneself, remind Ms. Xu Guangping too, ---I am a teacher! The development of the fact is often independent of man's will. In front of a heart with surge enthusiasm, who resist? Mr. Lu Xun has accepted this finally, heart that the area worships. Because it is because of loving too, the gentleman has given up in Beijing and others' characters shelf, the thought of taking a walk everywhere has emerged. Someone writes articles and says, Lu Xun's Xiamen trip, is a transition that he loves, in order to cool the pestering of the public opinion. But my view is, this is only a secondary reason, main reason, really produce in Mr. Lu Xun's heart, want to see the decision of walking around everywhere everywhere.
It is not unique, the experience that another contemporary cultural everybody Mr. Hu Shi has too and Mr. Lu Xun is similar to.
Hu Shi is at the age of 13, decided by mother, virtuous daughter Jiang DongXiu is engaged with the river generation of river village of Jingde county. In December of 1917, Hu Shi went back to the hometown to get married, a lover did not became the trees whose branches interlock or join together. Two people enormous difference in such aspects as disposition, culture training conform to in harmony hint foreshadowing of burying for two people marriage.
And contemporary one, in Britain, Edward Wang in Great Britain is eight generations, faces right and profit, on December 11, 1936, Edward give up throne voluntarily eight generation, break through all sorts of separate, and with one fertile Liz, women of common people, that divorce twice? Warfield gets married, really let people exclaim: This real man loves not country but beauty too!
People are to eight lives of Edward " Love not country but beauty " Move last view and conjecture,as to this pass different judgements on: Someone thinks, the prince receives" the modern ideological trend " Influence, so as to assault moribund monarch's system; Someone is regarded as princes and can not stand the seduction of the fertile Liz's beauty too; Somebody thinks princes are for the sincere love. Let whom people can't understand fertile Liz afford to disclose never still more, scrub for oneself wrongful treatment is to fetter common customs and Confucian or feudal ethical codes, have personal secrets besides either?
I cite example described above, only want to explain, even often all badly battered at question time of marriage that great man, celebrity are meeting, how many people can this of loving not country but beauty like that have in the world in eight generations and can look like Edward?
Then, why must people get married?
Someone say that lives together in order to there are companions. Someone says marriage is in order to give birth to the child! Someone say that just gets married in order to live well! The person that someone said marriage is and loved oneself passes family life too. More boring life style that the marriage offers another kind for bored stiff oneself that someone says even more. And I think, have the following three modes to get married: 1, Both sides are very in love, and then get married, live the life like the princes Princess. 2,Both sides are not in love, and then get married, live strange bedfellows day. 3,Both sides can not begin to talk about being in love, and then get married, live day like that.
A common cognition of society of now: A person man does not get married, but has not really grown up yet. If you hold firmly resolution type, stubbornly refuse, marry, courage this outstanding. But it is difficult for the majority to have this heroic undertaking, so reach age for marriage, parents begin to worry; In one or two years, the friends follow to press for too; Will not get married in a few years, will begin to worry about too oneself.
Then, what kind of person look for one to come to get married well? For being older, must let a person live with you. Otherwise parents will say the public will say speak you stand finally, and then begin to plan to find someone to get married, it happened that, he also cares very much, busy with getting busy about blindlying date, you have gone to see it several times, are still choosing picking up at the beginning, the selecting leisurely of height, appearance, family, office, one for one a great deal of requirements diplomas, personalities, ability. But this is not good, that is unsatisfied, that has not felt again, drag to the end, can't tow again, can only look for a fairly satisfied one, but perhaps you do not love he (she) ,And then get married, the day beginning to live as people around.
Have seen such a joke: People ask: Why will men and women get married? Buddha says: The man comes round, the woman looks on the bright side of things. Come round, just distinct: Come out room, how much people stay because of marriage? How many people only have baffled waiting and ignorant expectation left in the face of the marriage? The love? Get married? The marriage? The love?
Have to quote again " to get married you do not marry someone, but all social relationships of marrying this person. You two's combination is the combination of two families, he marries you, everything meaning marrying you, including your social relationships, your parents " Lines that quite put in place that this sentence spoke.
Present marriage, now love, who can it speaks to be clear? Why world be become these look, in know which way to go when all of us, " era of getting married newly " brave declaring in front of 13 hundred million televiewers: This is very normal, because this era needs us to be such!
Then everything can receive the perfect explanation to know which way to go cannot help but, someone lets us catch up with such a new era of getting married!
It seems until day such as moustache in the moustache chat of place, it is always in careless repetition very again and again - -"That is love of revolutionary period! " Know, say with feeling more or hope more, our former generation seems to let us look very beautiful, of they eyes, we always fail to grow up without enough for the independence without sense of dutying, it seems to be still one child, it seems to be in a mess whom thing get always, seem In a word, but in a word the speech, we, after 80, begin to meet the new problem, has not been met by the former generation, can only even be faced solving by oneself by us!
Then who can clearly explain the realistic origin behind these social concerns to the historical origin? I can't, hope to be every the reader airs one's own views.
Why get married? If I knew the answer without the least hesitation a few years ago: Want to look for one not to know which way to go in oneself helplessly, does not have lonelily even in privation while depending on, can watch over the woman facing each other with me for all one's life, want to let oneself be happier with sharing together by oneself! But age is longer and longer, let to be that oneself is old, age that it is awkward that really reach the one that must get married, but the answer unable to be clear-cut of this question.
I am 2008 now after being born in 80, undoutedly, no matter from psychology or physiological, I face marriage this person grow the greatest topic. Are a lot of people asking why not go to look for one? Can only smile and answer: "Have not met the suitable one yet. " Stall off on such a reason.
Precisely, stall off the word seem so appropriate in here, touch less than one suitable a own one really. Have unexpectedly reached such stage by oneself, will become the adult single in others' eyes soon, the sad and sad one is, not thinking oneself greatly, where to go, though was bragged about oneself old at ordinary times, do the best, want, get oneself ripe too, but subconscious refuse, admit oneself reach that find someone age that marry already. Why must get married?
Can't help remembering several famous marriages come, extract it as follows:
Love sad melody of Zhang Ailing and Hu Lancheng.
One is the most well-known authoress in Shanghai at that time, one was important official of the deep and vast bogus government. Unless in at troubled times, the they one acquaintance, know each other, love each other,when last departure, may be called once " The legend " . Zhang Ailing loves Hu Lancheng so so, however, turns round, time took off the color, having led along by hand, having missed, understand in doddering along slowly, the way of this world, move towards having a thousand ten thousand, belong to to a pure one flourishing, then first only.
Xu Zhimo's marriage tragedy.
The First lady Zhang Youyi. Although is a arranged marriage, their relation is extraordinary. Especially that kind of deep friendship kept after they divorce, is that nowadays open era is estimable too even more. However, Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi with the happy marriage have divorced finally. This marriage that Xu Zhimo thinks, though is a good marriage, is only a marriage, but not the love which he wants.
Lin Huiyin. To her, the marriage is more important than the love. She does not want to do for love anything, she does not want to get involved in Xu Zhimo's marriage, so she has chosen to leave Xu Zhimo, and under parents' arrangement, fixes the engagement with Liang Sicheng. Perhaps their love is as before (after Xu Zhimo died, Lin Huiyin cried most mournfully) ,Have chosen the marriage, has not chosen the love in but the emblem sound of Kelin. This is in the convention too naturally. Choose the love and give up the marriage, through the ages, are all scarce things.
Lu Xiaoman. She and Xu Zhimo are the people who pursue the love, the person does not recognize one's own wedding filled with exultation when two people's innumerable trials and tribulations have been held. Marriage and love have been integrated at long last, however, the marriage become because of love is unhappy. Romantic and reality is always very far apart. It is interesting that Lu Xiaoman can not change her, personality spent freely. Xu Zhimo does not get along well with parents because of she, kept constantly on the run because of the spending freely of her, often quarrel because of all sorts of unhappiness of life too. Love and final result of the marriage, obtain the result that we have wanted.
Xu Zhimo's ideal: "I will look for my only soul companion in the boundless and indistinct sea of faces. Need it, my good fortune; No, my life. " Xu Zhimo has found his soul companion, but can not be happy all the time.
Mr. Lu Xun's freedom of marriage.
The gentleman has had two marriages. One marriage of fact, another marriage of essence.
The first marriage of Mr. Lu Xun's, is that the gentleman studies in Japan in period, the family is with the stupid old lady of gentleman's mother, the critically ill letter message was deceived and come back home to get married. The marriage this time, bring agony to three people, stupid old lady, Mr. Lu Xun, Ms. Zhu An. We want to ask, have new culture and dare to criticize old and ethical Mr. Lu Xun, since not like this marriage, why not refuse or leave simply? The circle is fixed on the feudal etiquette system, I analyse broken in terms of human nature, Mr. Lu Xun's psychological condition at that time. The gentleman's choice, nothing more than have a reason of these three respects, first, comfort his mother, stupid old heart (this, among the characters of gentleman, narrate) of lady . Two is under feudal etiquette system and humane environment and situation at that time, the gentleman was powerless. Three even if the gentleman refuse or leave, can't change the result of the fact either.
The second marriage of Mr. Lu Xun's, is a story when the normal university of the woman in Beijing teach. We can imagine, such a scene at that time, act as the gentleman in the classroom, in his unique language which is full of reason and intelligent cold but and humorous individual character glamour, match gentleman's characterized expression, while carrying on the simple but profound exposition guidance on the knowledge, in young Ms. Xu Guangping's eyes, the mood (from her letter that must be full of revering and adoring, can prove) . The woman agitation of Normal University happens frequently, has further urged and taken place a of flames of love contained in the heart. In Xu Guangping's women letter to Mr. Lu Xun, ripe and sensitive gentleman, it is sure to find out that can experience the emotion like this roaring blaze.
The letter in reply that so, Mr. Lu Xun begins, seem it is evaded the question by changing the subject that language fails to express the meaning, unexpectedly transfer to discussion and analysis going on the knowledge. This is that gentleman's mood reveals a kind of mood under to reflect naturally clearly. This is not less than to warn oneself, remind Ms. Xu Guangping too, ---I am a teacher! The development of the fact is often independent of man's will. In front of a heart with surge enthusiasm, who resist? Mr. Lu Xun has accepted this finally, heart that the area worships. Because it is because of loving too, the gentleman has given up in Beijing and others' characters shelf, the thought of taking a walk everywhere has emerged. Someone writes articles and says, Lu Xun's Xiamen trip, is a transition that he loves, in order to cool the pestering of the public opinion. But my view is, this is only a secondary reason, main reason, really produce in Mr. Lu Xun's heart, want to see the decision of walking around everywhere everywhere.
It is not unique, the experience that another contemporary cultural everybody Mr. Hu Shi has too and Mr. Lu Xun is similar to.
Hu Shi is at the age of 13, decided by mother, virtuous daughter Jiang DongXiu is engaged with the river generation of river village of Jingde county. In December of 1917, Hu Shi went back to the hometown to get married, a lover did not became the trees whose branches interlock or join together. Two people enormous difference in such aspects as disposition, culture training conform to in harmony hint foreshadowing of burying for two people marriage.
And contemporary one, in Britain, Edward Wang in Great Britain is eight generations, faces right and profit, on December 11, 1936, Edward give up throne voluntarily eight generation, break through all sorts of separate, and with one fertile Liz, women of common people, that divorce twice? Warfield gets married, really let people exclaim: This real man loves not country but beauty too!
People are to eight lives of Edward " Love not country but beauty " Move last view and conjecture,as to this pass different judgements on: Someone thinks, the prince receives" the modern ideological trend " Influence, so as to assault moribund monarch's system; Someone is regarded as princes and can not stand the seduction of the fertile Liz's beauty too; Somebody thinks princes are for the sincere love. Let whom people can't understand fertile Liz afford to disclose never still more, scrub for oneself wrongful treatment is to fetter common customs and Confucian or feudal ethical codes, have personal secrets besides either?
I cite example described above, only want to explain, even often all badly battered at question time of marriage that great man, celebrity are meeting, how many people can this of loving not country but beauty like that have in the world in eight generations and can look like Edward?
Then, why must people get married?
Someone say that lives together in order to there are companions. Someone says marriage is in order to give birth to the child! Someone say that just gets married in order to live well! The person that someone said marriage is and loved oneself passes family life too. More boring life style that the marriage offers another kind for bored stiff oneself that someone says even more. And I think, have the following three modes to get married: 1, Both sides are very in love, and then get married, live the life like the princes Princess. 2,Both sides are not in love, and then get married, live strange bedfellows day. 3,Both sides can not begin to talk about being in love, and then get married, live day like that.
A common cognition of society of now: A person man does not get married, but has not really grown up yet. If you hold firmly resolution type, stubbornly refuse, marry, courage this outstanding. But it is difficult for the majority to have this heroic undertaking, so reach age for marriage, parents begin to worry; In one or two years, the friends follow to press for too; Will not get married in a few years, will begin to worry about too oneself.
Then, what kind of person look for one to come to get married well? For being older, must let a person live with you. Otherwise parents will say the public will say speak you stand finally, and then begin to plan to find someone to get married, it happened that, he also cares very much, busy with getting busy about blindlying date, you have gone to see it several times, are still choosing picking up at the beginning, the selecting leisurely of height, appearance, family, office, one for one a great deal of requirements diplomas, personalities, ability. But this is not good, that is unsatisfied, that has not felt again, drag to the end, can't tow again, can only look for a fairly satisfied one, but perhaps you do not love he (she) ,And then get married, the day beginning to live as people around.
Have seen such a joke: People ask: Why will men and women get married? Buddha says: The man comes round, the woman looks on the bright side of things. Come round, just distinct: Come out room, how much people stay because of marriage? How many people only have baffled waiting and ignorant expectation left in the face of the marriage? The love? Get married? The marriage? The love?
Have to quote again " to get married you do not marry someone, but all social relationships of marrying this person. You two's combination is the combination of two families, he marries you, everything meaning marrying you, including your social relationships, your parents " Lines that quite put in place that this sentence spoke.
Present marriage, now love, who can it speaks to be clear? Why world be become these look, in know which way to go when all of us, " era of getting married newly " brave declaring in front of 13 hundred million televiewers: This is very normal, because this era needs us to be such!
Then everything can receive the perfect explanation to know which way to go cannot help but, someone lets us catch up with such a new era of getting married!
It seems until day such as moustache in the moustache chat of place, it is always in careless repetition very again and again - -"That is love of revolutionary period! " Know, say with feeling more or hope more, our former generation seems to let us look very beautiful, of they eyes, we always fail to grow up without enough for the independence without sense of dutying, it seems to be still one child, it seems to be in a mess whom thing get always, seem In a word, but in a word the speech, we, after 80, begin to meet the new problem, has not been met by the former generation, can only even be faced solving by oneself by us!
Then who can clearly explain the realistic origin behind these social concerns to the historical origin? I can't, hope to be every the reader airs one's own views.
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